Stephen Hawking in the Hamptons

Post Labor Day blues? Buck up little camper. September is where it's at:

Number of Parking Stickers Needed for the Beach:
Pre-Labor Day: At least 1 (or get a $125 parking ticket)
Post-Labor Day: 0

Water Temp:
Pre-Labor Day: 71 degrees
Post-Labor Day: 70 degrees

Distance Walked from Car to Beach:
Pre-Labor Day: Between 3/4 of a mile to 1 1/2 miles
Post-Labor Day: 250 feet

Bring Your Dog to the Beach?:
Pre-Labor Day: No way
Post-Labor Day: Come on Fido

Number of Minutes Waiting for a Coffee at Starbucks:
Pre-Labor Day: 32
Post-Labor Day: 2

Degree of tomato ripeness:
Pre-Labor Day: Primo
Post-Labor Day: Primo

Number of People Fighting Over Tomatoes at Farmstand:
Pre-Labor Day: 11
Post-Labor Day: 0

Probability of Being Allowed to Make a Left Turn on 27:
Pre-Labor Day: 78 to 1
Post-Labor Day: 2 to 1

Number of Times You're Gestured at Obscenely Per Day:
Pre-Labor Day: 2 to 8 (min)
Post-Labor Day: 1 (max)

Number of Times You Feel the Need to Gesture at Someone Obscenely:
Pre-Labor Day: 2 to 8 (min)
Post-Labor Day: 1 (max)

Chances of Getting a Reservation at Nick & Toni's:
Pre-Labor Day: Only if you're Spielberg
Post-Labor Day: How's 8 o'clock sound?

Number of Junior Police Ticket Writers on Main Streets:
Pre-Labor Day: 12 to 15
Post-Labor Day: 0

Chance of Getting a Bad Sunburn:
Pre-Labor Day: Likely
Post-Labor Day: Slim

Chances that You're Missing August:
0%

Chances that You're Loving September:
100%

And take heart, there are only 268 days until Memorial Day.