There's so little going on in the Hamptons we've been reduced to writing about deer sex.
Yup, it's that bad. Fortunately, we have a lot of opinions on the
matter and also about the new proposal put forth for deer contraception in East
Hampton. Read on (because you know you want to...)
Let's all agree on the following: there are too many deer in the Hamptons. (To get scientific, it's something in the neighborhood of 51 deer per square mile in the town of East Hampton, for a rough total of 3,293 deer in the town—though we saw a dead one next to the road this morning so we're revising that number down to 3,292.) People who know about these things say that, optimally, you don't want more than 40 deer per square mile. For those who have trouble with math, that means we have 11 deer per square mile too many right now. Obviously, we need to get rid of some deer.
There have been a number of solutions suggested, though our favorite so far comes from a recent East Hampton Town Board meeting where it was proposed that the deer would be given contraceptives to prevent further births. Obviously, this sparked all kinds of debate. Some people questioned whether it would work, others whether it was necessary and still others called for further review. Providing contraception in schools is thorny enough, so you can only imagine how much this idea has stirred the hornets' nest.
For our part, we think it's a good idea. Unwanted deer pregnacies have been on the rise in the past decade and show no sign of abating. The fawns resulting from these unwanted pregnancies run rampant and unsupervised through the neighborhoods of the East End, eating lovingly-cared-for gardens and denting cars when they have the temerity to get in the way of on coming traffic. In short, they're up to no good.
Those less inclined to be humane, would suggest that the extra deer be shot. We're fine with that too. It's resonable to say that another way of looking at this problem is that we don't have enough hunters. More hunters = fewer deer. This is the age old solution. We may be better off just inviting more hunters out to the Hamptons than trying to give contraceptives to the deer. It could be run like the shark tournaments we have in Montauk every summer—those always attract hundreds of fishermen. We could even have a weigh in like they do in the tournaments, and the hunters could back up their pickup trucks in front of the Elks Lodge in Southampton and offload their deer. Kids and adults would gather in awe and then scientists would dissect the deer and animal rights groups would protest. It would be just like a sunny, summer Saturday afternoon in Montauk. Or not...
Bottom line, we need to get rid of some deer. They're cute (but carry tons of ticks, which carry Lyme's Disease) and they remind us of our natural surroundings (until you hit one going fifty on Scuttlehole Road). But that's about all they're good for, other than eating. Death to the Deer.
Deer Contraceptive Program Considered [Suffolk Life]
